stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
