i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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