i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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