How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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