So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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