wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
