You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
