so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
