jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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