Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
