we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
