lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
