Plan B is the new Plan A
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
