he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
