I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
