Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
