my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
