FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
