We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
