I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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