I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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