my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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