what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
