a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
