Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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