Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
