I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
