Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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