i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
