did you get engaged???
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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