don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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