she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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