Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
