I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
