3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
