hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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