alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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