He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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