just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
