i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
