My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they need to just BURY HIM!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
