and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
