i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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