I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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