there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
