I like to think it a success when the cops are called
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This baby is an asshole
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
