i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
