woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
