I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
