Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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