you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
