East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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