Hey man sorry I got all grabby
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
