I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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