well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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