My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
