saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
