No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
