threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
