it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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