her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
