apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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