im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
