Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
