I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
