my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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