And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
