I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
