Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
